Thursday, January 7, 2010
We were done having kids after our two girls. When I found out I was pregnant again I had two ultrasounds that said he was going to be another girl. I painted the baby room blue. I don't know why, except that I had so much pink already and was kind of tired of it.
When my baby came out a boy I was so excited. God had given me a special gift. A boy! And this boy would grow up to be someone special for His purpose. I have always felt that way and always will. I know God brought him to us for a wonderful reason, even if that reason is to be my son!
When Josh went away to school for the first few days I felt liberated. The house stayed clean. There was still food in the fridge. But soon a blueness set in. I couldn't figure it out because I am not usually a blue person. Then the light came on that I was feeling the "empty nest." What was my purpose now? I had been a mom for so long is was very much a part of me.
Looking at Sebby and Davy, I see my son growing up all over again. Learning new things, saying new words, experiencing new emotions, learning to love and respect. They are so cute. They fill a spot that was opened up when Josh drove away to start his own life. I have found my purpose again. However, no one can fill the loneliness that I feel for Josh.
I want him to stay very close to God. We talk about this and other stuff. I hope he always feels like he can talk to me and that he knows I am praying for him every day. I hope that he is successful in his endeavors. I hope that when he is ready he can find a beautiful, loving, Godly wife that he can share it all with.
For you Josh, I love you very much. Carpe Diem!